My Story and Healing Path

I want to share a part of my truth.

Many people know the version of me today, but very few know where I actually came from.

I was born in a rural village in Chaozhou, China—a girl who was not welcomed simply because I was the firstborn and not a boy.

I grew up in a culture of gender preference, blurred boundaries, silence, and shame.

There were experiences of sexual violation, emotional neglect, and a lonely childhood as a “left-behind child” while my parents worked in Shenzhen.

I farmed, and did chores far beyond my age.

I learned to be “mature” long before I should have.

At age eight, I reunited with my parents in Shenzhen.

I felt love for the first time, but also witnessed domestic violence, infidelity, emotional chaos, and became the “messenger” between my parents—my mother’s emotional container and the only “sensible daughter” she could lean on.

Later, my parents worked hard, became financially wealthy, and eventually sent me abroad to study.

I thought my life finally turned brighter.

But in marriage and motherhood in the U.S., I unconsciously repeated the same childhood pattern—overfunctioning, over-caring, people-pleasing, and carrying too much.

I even took on my in-laws’ responsibilities because they couldn’t navigate English or local life.

Until one day, I finally said: “I cannot do this anymore.” The conversations were difficult, emotional, even painful. They blame me for not good enough. My mother in laws threatened to kill herself. Al because they were scared of facing their reality. But eventually, healthy boundaries were built. For the first time in my life, I protected myself.

Three years ago, through letter, I also told my parents my full truth—my pain, my shame, my loneliness, and the things I carried since childhood.

They couldn’t take it in. Not because they don’t love me, but because my truth touches their deepest defenses and unprocessed wounds. I was hurt and didn’t talk for three years until this Summer. I brought this up to my parents recently about my story.

I told them:

We don’t need to think the same way.

I do not blame you.

You both did the best you could within the limitations of your generation.

And I am finally living well, living peacefully, and living as myself.

The most important realization is this:

I no longer need my parents’ approval.

I finally approve of myself.

I have become the healer of my own story—and the person who can unconditionally understand, accept, and love self and them.

My father simply replied with two words:

“Grateful heart.”

And I felt that he understood me in his own way.

I share this not to revisit pain,

but to say something I deeply believe:

A person can rise above their upbringing, their culture, their inherited wounds—and walk toward freedom, clarity, understanding, and love.

This is my truth.

Breaking the Invisible Walls We Inherit

Throughout my life, I realized the most powerful “walls” in our lives are not physical at all—they are the centuries-old layers of culture, religion, politics, and social expectations that quietly shape how we see ourselves and others. These forces define what is “right,” “wrong,” “normal,” “shameful,” “obedient,” or “rebellious,” and they silently infiltrate our inner world.

Over time, these external walls evolve into our internal critics, our fear of judgment, our tendency to compare, and our instinct to project blame or disapproval onto others. They can even divide people into “good or bad,” “successful or not,” or “worthy or unworthy,” based on standards that were never ours to begin with.

I was born in a rural village, but I never let that village mindset define my worth.

I grew up in a rigid twelve-year Chinese school system, yet I didn’t let that system dictate the value of who I could become.

I immigrated to America, and I refused to let political labels or cultural categories shape how I see myself—or other people.

When we begin to question these inherited walls—cultural norms, religious absolutes, political narratives, and social conditioning—we finally start to see the truth:

Every human being is fundamentally the same.

Every one of us longs to be seen, to be understood, to be accepted, and to be respected.

Inside these walls, people often can’t see what lies beyond—they can’t imagine other possibilities or perspectives.

And those who have stepped outside the walls often find it difficult to communicate with those still inside, because the language, worldview, and emotional space are completely different.

But none of this means we are unequal.

It simply means we grew up in different cages.

When we break through our inherited walls, we don’t become “better”—we simply become free.

And from that freedom, we can finally see one another clearly:

You and I are not different at all.

At our core, we are the same—human beings who want to be loved without conditions.

My Journey of Reparenting Myself Through Daily Love

All the years I wasn’t seen, wasn’t held, wasn’t truly loved,
I am finally learning to give myself what I never received.

Every night when I go to bed at 10pm,
and every morning when I rise at 5am to move my body—
to run beneath the quiet sky or breathe gently into yoga—
I am whispering to my younger self:
“You matter. Your body deserves care.”

When I make fresh meals for myself three times a day,
when I grind soybeans into warm milk,
brew my own healing teas,
light the moxa once a week,
soak my feet in warm water at night,
or place a gentle mask on my skin,
I am telling that abandoned child inside me:
“You are worth nourishing. You are worth tending to.”

When I clean my home,
create order, light, and softness in my space,
I am saying:
“Your comfort is important. Your peace is sacred.”

Each small act of care
is a love letter to the girl who once felt unseen,
a steady hand placed on her trembling shoulders.
I am mothering her now—
with patience, with tenderness,
with an unconditional love she never knew
but always deserved.

And it feels beautiful.
It feels like coming home.

Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?

I offer compassionate, culturally sensitive, integrative therapy for clients who carry childhood wounds, emotional trauma, or relationship struggles.

Whether you resonate with anxious attachment, emotional overwhelm, perfectionism, or difficulty showing vulnerability—I’m here to walk this healing path with you

Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see if we are a good fit.

Contact:
info@sallycounseling.com
www.sallycounseling.com
Virtual therapy available across multiple U.S. states